Heart & Soul Read online

  I smiled at him still checking me out like my stomach wasn’t about to pop. He was convincing me, more with his face than his words, and really, I’d take any compliment anyone wanted to throw me these days. I wasn’t picky.

  “I was trained in the ways of the Jedi, that’s how.” I gave up trying to pull and stretch my dress to tone down my stomach because that just wasn’t going to happen. The upside to my selection was that the material was light, which meant I’d stay cool when the dancing and music got crazy later on, as I knew it would with Garth and Josie at the party helm, and the neckline was cut low enough to just hint at my expanding chest. Maybe that would distract people from my stomach. It seemed to be working with my husband at least.

  “How are you doing over there?” he asked when I shifted for the who-knows-how-many’th time. That glimmer dimmed from his eyes as I continued to adjust, and he helped me slide the pillow behind my lower back in an attempt to get comfortable.

  “I’m doing so fabulous over here I can’t sit still.” I drew my leg up behind my lap and, surprisingly, found a comfortable position that way. In two minutes I’d be in agony again, but for right now, it was working.

  “That’s it. I can’t do this again.” Jesse thumped the steering wheel with his palm as he made the turn to Garth and Josie’s. “We’re buying a new car before we leave. I won’t let you make another trip being so uncomfortable.”

  He’d been saying that since month four, when the fidgeting and squirming started, and I’d managed to steer him away from the idea with reassurances that I was okay, that it wasn’t that bad, that I just needed to get out and stretch. After this trip though? I was close to agreeing with him.

  I was just about to reply that maybe we could check out a few dealerships in town when I felt another one. A small, sharp exhale escaped my mouth as my arms wound around my stomach. I wasn’t sure what they were, but it felt as if someone had wrapped a thick rubber band around my stomach, stretched it out, then let it snap back into place. The sensation was sharp and sudden, and that one seemed to be more persistent that the ones I’d started feeling after downing my third taquito outside of Spokane. I hadn’t mentioned anything to Jesse about it because he probably would have whipped the truck around and sped right back to my doctor’s office, and that seemed like a lot of effort for something that was likely indigestion.

  This one, though . . . this one felt as though there might have been more at work than just indigestion. Probably gas. I tried to shake it off, but Jesse wouldn’t let it go quite so easily.

  “What’s the matter?” He parked Old Bessie at the front of a line of cars and twisted in his seat after cutting the engine.

  “Too many taquitos.” I thumped my chest with my fist and tried to work up a burp to make it convincing. Of course when I really needed one, nada, but they sure didn’t mind plaguing me the minute I laid my head down at night.

  “Rowen, I know that eyebrow twitch. Something’s wrong.” Jesse’s thumb tapped the center of my eyebrow, where I guessed the eyebrow was giving me away.

  “The only something that’s wrong is that I really want to throw myself on your lap and ravage you until you’re a cross-eyed, stuttering mess, but that’s become a physical impossibility.” My hand patted my stomach. There was no way I could fit on his lap in my condition unless I wanted to wear a steering wheel dent in my back for the next couple of days.

  “Rowen—”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know. The doctor says I shouldn’t do anything that would tax my heart too much, which you interpret to be anything and everything from lifting a fork to getting it on like Donkey Kong with my husband.” I unbuckled and reached for the door handle because I’d been de-nied so many times I didn’t know why I kept trying. Jesse would give me anything . . . as long as he wasn’t under the impression it would threaten my life.

  “Hey, don’t go. You know I want to. I would if we could.” His hand dropped to my thigh as he scooted closer. “We just . . . can’t.”

  I think it was the hand draped across my leg that triggered level two of my advance. Not that it would be any more successful than the last one, but I was a slow learner. And persistent if nothing else. “We can’t because it will make my heart rate amp up, which in your warped head translates to it going off like a grenade inside of my chest, which would mean you’d have to spend the rest of your life without me which, I agree, is a tragedy if there ever was one.”

  He was smiling. That was a good thing. Jesse didn’t smile as much as he used to. He still smiled more than the average person, but his smile-to-frown ratio had been drastically affected.

  “But what if I could keep my heartbeat nice and steady, a solid eighty beats a minute?” I asked.

  He gave me a look that said he knew better. He was right. But just because I’d never been able to do that without achieving heart rate records didn’t mean I couldn’t. I’d just never had the proper motivation to try to keep it low. I had the proper motivation now.

  “Well?” I pressed when he stayed quiet.

  “Well nothing. What you’re suggesting . . .” His head shook. “It’s impossible.”

  “Improbable maybe. But not impossible.”

  “You”—his hand squeezed my leg—“you’re insane.”

  “And you’re about to join me if you abstain for another three months. All of that abstaining”—I cleared my throat as my eyes darted to his lap—“is like poison to your body. In your efforts to save my life, you can’t let yours be threatened.”

  I scooted closer to him, my hopes just starting to lift, when he reached across me and threw open the door. Nothing like a flood of fresh air and getting denied—again—to clear a girl’s head.

  “That’s just plain mean,” I grumbled as I climbed out of the cab, Jesse holding one of my hands so I didn’t take a spill. Center of gravity—totally thrown off now.

  Jesse crawled out behind me. “Need me to grab anything?”

  “I need you to grab lots of things,” I muttered, adjusting my dress because hello! I was going for demure cleavage, not porn-star cleavage. “But why don’t you grab Garth and Josie’s engagement present from the bed right now, and I’ll try working on those other things later?”

  He leaned over the side of the truck to grab their present. I took no shame in checking out his backside and wondering if I’d ever be able to sculpt that level of perfection. Probably not.

  “I’m not budging on this.” His voice was light and easy, but I knew the weight of his words.

  “Good. I’m not budging on my personal agenda either.” I crossed my arms. “And we both know who’s more cunning and holds more championships in the sex department, Jesse, because look at what I’m holding.” I raised my hand, my fingers pinched together as if I were holding something in the air. “Your V card. I wanted it, and it’s mine. I wanted to marry you, and you’re mine.” I kept his imaginary V card in the air, ignoring his eye roll, and stole a few steps closer. “I want you, here and now.”

  His jaw tightened, along with his hands that curled tighter around the retrieved present.

  “And I’ll have you somewhere around here, sometime around now.” I circled my finger around our surroundings and let my gaze penetrate his until I knew my message had been received. I was past tired of this abstinence game. My heart was a little twitchy, not some trap about to be sprung. The doctor had advised against all sorts of “vigorous” activities, and while that might have been the ideal way to enjoy intimacy, it didn’t have to be the only way. The whole “beggars can’t be choosers” things was especially relevant at this impasse in my life.

  His shoulders rose and fell from his sigh. “I love you, Rowen.” He kissed my temple before starting for the barn, where the party was in full swing from the sounds of it. “But no.”

  I watched him walk away, admiring him when I should have been glaring at him from his continued denial. It would be easier to endure the no-sex policy if I wasn’t married to quite possibly the sexiest man in exi
stence. “I love you too, Jesse,” I said to myself, starting toward him when he stopped to wait for me. “But yes.”

  When I made my way to him and he looped an arm around my waist while managing to balance the present with his other hand, I made myself drop the subject. For now. The harder I pushed my side, the harder he pushed his, so I’d just have to come at it from a different angle. One he wouldn’t expect and one he hopefully wouldn’t see coming until I had him on his back and clothing free.

  “Is this an engagement party or a bachelor party?” I said as we closed in on the barn.

  “Knowing those two, it’s probably both.”

  Garth had moved into the old farmhouse so he could keep fixing it up between work. Given his work included rodeoing and running a ranch, he hadn’t gotten very far in the fix-up department, but it was still a nice enough place without all of the updates and finishing touches. The barn was a ways off from the house, and it was giant. It was almost as large as the barn at Willow Springs, and compared to the modest farmhouse it shared a plot of land with, the barn seemed to overwhelm the entire area. With the country music blaring from it, seeming to shake its foundation, along with the shouts within, the barn only further defined the land.

  The large double doors were propped open, allowing a steady stream of people to flow in and out of party headquarters.

  “Whoa,” was all I could say when we stepped inside.

  The barn had been transformed into something pulled from Country Living magazine. There were still cowboys drinking and spitting and heckling each other, and there were still herds of kids running around the place like it was a playground, and there were remnants of hay still dotting the old wood floor, but Josie and her mom had clearly taken the reins with the decorations, and they’d outdone themselves.

  An endless web of white lights were strung above, weaving around the rafters and beams like they had too many lights and too few places to wrap them. The place was awash with the gentle glow streaming down. White lanterns hung from long silk ribbons, high enough to be out of the way but low enough a person could almost reach up and touch them. Staggered around the outer edges were bales of hay with the same ivory silk ribbon tied around them, complete with a cardboard heart with G & J hanging off the bow.

  It was country chic at its finest.

  And that was when I heard the hooting and hollering from the back corner. Okay, so it was country chic plus a mechanical bull.

  So Garth had been allowed his two cents in the décor department.

  “I’m going to drop this off at the gift table, then you’re slow, slow dancing with me.” Jesse eyed the dance floor while backing up toward the gift table.

  That was appealing on just about every level except . . . “Maybe we should, you know, say hey to the bride- and groom-to-be first? Following up the saying hey trend to your family too?” I eyed the dance floor, wondering what I was saying. There were few things I enjoyed more than dancing with Jesse. Especially when he gathered me against him like he was trying to protect me from the whole world at the same time he was ready to take it on with me.

  After carefully propping the wrapped engagement gift up against the table, he grabbed my hand and led me across the barn. We were both thinking the same thing. If the happily engaged couple weren’t whooping it up somewhere around that mechanical bull, then the world had shifted off its axis.

  The barn was packed. There were so many bodies dancing, talking, and hollering around it that I was immensely thankful I’d slipped into something light and breathable. Jesse was in a nice button-down shirt and was already reaching for the cuffs to roll them up.

  “Do you see your family anywhere?” I didn’t quite have to shout, but close.

  Jesse’s head shook. “But no doubt they’ve seen us. Or at least my mom has. You could be on the opposite side of the county and she could still zero in on you. It’s that grandmother telepathy or something.”

  A chuckle slipped past my lips. “The same county? Come on. Give her more credit than that. Try the same country.”

  Jesse’s laugh tangled with mine as we moved toward the bucking bull in the back. I’d just seen some guy get tossed from it so violently he looked like a flying squirrel jettisoning through the air.

  “I can’t believe Garth managed to convince Josie to throw a mechanical bull into the mix. Classy”—I waved at the jaw-dropping scene we’d been welcomed with before flashing my hand in front of us—where someone else was throwing his leg over the back of the bull—“meet trashy. Get acquainted with one another because something tells me you’re going to be seeing a lot of each other around these parts.”

  Jesse grinned at the ground as we weaved through the crowd, and I focused on the guy who’d just thrown himself onto the bull. There were plenty of black hats dotted around the barn, but that one stood out for some reason. Maybe because that hat demanded to be noticed as much as its owner did.

  “Get that rookie off that thing before he hurts himself!” Jesse cupped his hand around his mouth and hollered at Garth, who was shifting around on the back of the bull, trying to find his sweet spot like tens of thousands of dollars were on the line.

  “Yeah!” I joined in, my voice not carrying nearly as far as Jesse’s. “Before he busts his back or something!”

  Jesse whistled quietly, his forehead creasing as he looked at me. “That was low.”

  “Oh, please. He didn’t even hear it.” I waved at Garth, who was probably still trying to find that damn sweet spot, but a quick look at him revealed he was looking our way. Well, he was looking my way.

  “I heard that, Sterling-Walker!” he shouted. “And I’d say something real colorful in reply if it wasn’t for that little papoose in your stomach that Jesse’s convinced can hear every last foul word I say.” Garth tipped his hat in our direction, firing a wink. “Nice of you two to make it, by the way. Hope our little engagement party didn’t throw a wrench in you city slickers’ social calendars.”

  I stepped up to the edge of the bull pit until my knees bumped into the mats. “Are you going to ride that bull sometime tonight? Or keep running your mouth?”

  Another wink. “I’m not just going to ride this bull, Sterling-Walker. I’m going to make it my bitch.”

  “Black!” Jesse hollered as he shouldered up beside me. “Language!”

  Garth snapped his fingers as he made a face. “Fuck, I forgot.”

  “Really?” Jesse flagged his arms at my stomach.

  “What can I say, Jess? I’m a foul-mouthed bastard.” Garth’s dark eyes were flashing. He was clearly enjoying himself. Talking trash on the back of a bull . . . yeah, that was pretty much the inner circle of heaven for a guy like him.

  “And that’s three,” Jesse said before lunging onto the mats and charging Garth and the bull.

  Garth didn’t stand a chance, not with the way Jesse was hauling. Not to mention he’d just been distracted by Josie sauntering up to the edge of the pit and gracing him with a look that should have been strictly reserved for the bedroom. Garth didn’t notice Jesse until he was launching through the air at Garth, but by then, no matter how settled into his sweet spot he was, Garth wasn’t staying on the back of that bull.

  When Jesse crashed into Garth, they both tumbled over the side of the bull, landed on the mats with a loud thunk, and that was the end of it.

  “Don’t cuss in front of my kid, Black.” Jesse propped up on his elbows and looked at him.

  Garth was reaching for his hat to slide it back on, but Jesse’s had tumbled over the side of the mat. “Don’t show up to my next engagement party an hour late,” Garth threw back as if he was all kinds of put out, but the two of them still shook hands and wound up cracking smiles.

  “Deal. Because next time my wife won’t be pregnant, so we won’t have to spend an hour camped out in a waiting room before enduring another nail-biting ultrasound before having to wait another hour for the doctor to actually show up in the exam room.”

  My hands flew to
my hips at almost the precise moment Josie’s snapped to hers.

  She got the first words in. “Excuse me? Your next engagement party? Who exactly are you planning on getting engaged to next?”

  Jesse swatted Garth’s arm. Garth swatted right back before rolling onto his side and giving Josie a look that I knew would melt her defenses. “Come on now, Joze. You know what I meant. The jealous woman act doesn’t become you, babe.”

  Josie crossed her arms tighter, but her face was smoothing out. “Oh yeah? Why not?”

  A crowd was gathered around the bull pit, but the two of them were acting as if they were only two in the vast barn.

  “Because to be jealous, you have to feel some sort of inclination that your man could be lured away by someone else, right?” Garth covered the spot above his heart with his hands. “But, baby, you know the only girl for me is the one I’m staring at right now.”

  Josie’s arms unfolded, and what was left of the creases lining her face melted. I didn’t know how anyone could look at Garth Black like he was God in human form, but it was an expression Josie had frequently.

  “You’re forgiven,” she hollered at him. “Just watch who you talk about second engagements around, will ya? Next time you’ll be punished accordingly.” The hints of a smile pulled at Josie’s mouth.

  “That, Joze, does not sound like a threat. But understood.”

  I didn’t know if Garth had blinked since their conversation-meets-lovers’-quarrel had started, but that was normal. It was like he took a blinking hiatus when Josie was around, as if he didn’t want to waste a moment viewing the dark side of his eyelids when she was in front of him.

  Josie still hadn’t seen me—I wasn’t sure she’d noticed Jesse out there beside Garth—but I wasn’t going to distract her from whatever moment she and Garth were sharing. Because fiancés falling off bulls after being tackled before rambling about second engagements in the middle of an ancient barn was the very pinnacle of romance. But based on the way she was still staring at her husband-to-be, that was the pinnacle for Josie. I couldn’t decide how I felt about that, but I didn’t need to decide how I felt about it. It was as clear as the bump projecting from my abdomen that she was happy.